Today is the first time in what seems like forever (or more likely 5 to 6 weeks) that I feel happy to be alive.
for the best part of “forever” I have been sooo busy; well as busy as I’m able, but I have got a lot done. They may seem like small things to most people but i have recently added them all up and I am quite proud of it.
Like i said the last few weeks have been hectic, doing bits for D.E.A.E.P and regular cleaning at my nan’s, my bit of teaching and other things besides. I also went to ComicCon in London last week and I’ll be honest, I came back feeling like crap and had pain that was pushing my tolerance to a whole new level on top of the terrible sleep I have been having on and off I was feeling pretty sour about everything I had done.
But last night that all changed. I had a solid 10 hours; so solid I passed out before I knew it and woke up in exactly the same spot. There are several tedious reasons for this but never mind. The point is as a result my pain is back to an bearable standard and I can look back at this past month or more and see what I accomplished.
1) I managed to get through teaching a group of strangers without a panic attack. Well it’s more like I got to stretch my acting muscles and become someone else for a couple of days. But It’s all good.”
2) I had the chance to let something off my chest that i’ve been cling to for years.
3) I made up 100 goody bags all on my own. This includes making the contents (though not designing them)
4) I’m still here. Small I know but somewhat significant.
5) I coped really well with losing my cat.
and last but not least…..
I managed to go down to London and back on my own, I got though a whole weekend without any of my traditional coping mechanisms, breaking down, going mad, getting (too) mad or even worse escaping and missing out of the whole thing. So mow I can at least say It tested me yet again and I passed. Next time hopefully I will be able to go and really have fun.
So the lesson here is when the cloud clears a little look at what you have done and add up all the littler things, you may surprise yourself with what you have archived.